Christmas….a time of fun, festivities, family/friends and food right? Although this may be true for many, it isn’t true for all. If you have experienced a loss, Christmas can be a difficult or triggering time of year. Your loss may have been recent, and this will be your first Christmas without your loved one. Or maybe you experienced your loss around Christmas time last year, and now all of those memories are coming back. Or perhaps your loss happened years ago, but coming together around the Christmas table with family and friends can be that reminder of who is no longer there.

These struggles around the Christmas season can ring all too true if you are struggling after an abortion as well. Perhaps the due date of the terminated pregnancy was at Christmas time, or your abortion was during the Christmas holidays. Or for some, it can be hard sitting around the Christmas table hearing comments from family and friends about pregnancy or abortion, or seeing baby nieces and nephews. These situations may not be triggering for all, but they can be very triggering for some; making the holiday season painful and hard.

The Difference Between Post-Abortive Grief and Other Grief During the Holiday Season

The main difference between those struggling from the loss of a loved one during the holiday season and those struggling after an abortion, is that the former often has the support and comfort of those around them. Both experiences can be incredibly hard and painful, but the difference usually lies in the awareness of one’s community. For those who have experienced the loss of a loved one, their family and friends are usually aware of this loss and can act as a support system. However, for the post-abortive women and men struggling with triggers during the Christmas season, many of them struggle alone. Often, they have not shared their abortion experience with their family or friends, for fear of what they would think or how they would respond. As a result, these women and men are left to put on a smile and pretend all is well, while they may be really struggling inside.

Triggers

An emotional trigger is “something that causes someone to feel upset and frightened because they are made to remember something bad that has happened in the past” (Cambridge Dictionary, 2024). The nasty thing about triggers, is that you do not know when they are going to hit. You may be on top of the world, loving life, doing well and then all of a sudden WHAM, out of nowhere you are hit with a reminder of something painful from your past. Maybe you were really looking forward to seeing all of your family together for the first time in years, but then out of the blue your uncle makes a comment about abortion and all of a sudden, your mood changes.

Triggers can powerfully transport you back to the same intense and painful emotions that you felt after a traumatic experience. This can feel crippling, shocking and demoralizing because you may have thought that you had gotten past these difficult feelings. However, it is important to know that with the right emotional work, you can get to a place where triggers do not impact you so strongly.

Where to Turn for Support

If you find yourself triggered around the holiday season after an abortion, although you may feel very alone, you are not alone. We are here to support you. Our counsellors at First Place Options are sensitive to the struggles that some face around Christmas and other times throughout the year. We offer free after abortion support, where among many other things, we talk about triggers and help you learn how to deal with them when they hit. Contact us today at info@firstplaceoptions.ca or 613-228-7475 for more information, or to schedule an intake session.

- FPO Team

Cambridge Dictionary. (2024, December). Meaning of Trigger in English. https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/trigger