Healthy Boundaries Help Create Healthy Relationships!

Understanding boundaries in relationships can be challenging! It can feel unkind or unloving to not give what someone is asking us for. Whether we are being asked to lend money, volunteer, help a friend or become sexually involved with someone, setting and maintaining our boundaries is hard. But it is possible, actually necessary to have boundaries in order to enjoy healthy relationships.

Sometimes while driving I look at the road and think, the lines on the road are such clear boundaries. I am free to drive wherever I want within the lines on each side of me. The drivers on the other side of the road are free to drive wherever they want within the lines on each side of them. This makes driving safe, comfortable and fun! It is not until someone crosses one of the lines that chaos and pain strike. Similarly in relationships, when boundaries are violated it will result in pain.

Boundaries help keep a relationship healthy by giving clear direction on what is ok and what is not ok in the relationship. It is a way of saying, I respect myself and I respect you. Boundaries are not about controlling the other person, but about setting limits for ourselves to keep us safe and the relationship healthy. If we gave money to everyone who asked, we would be broke. If we give time and energy to everyone who asks, we would be exhausted, and if we go further sexually with someone when we are not ready, we will regret it.

When we recognize the need for boundaries in different areas of our lives, it’s important to take the time to define them and communicate them clearly.

You can decide to not lend money, so when someone asks, you do not have to think about it.

Your reply can be, “I can’t lend money right now, but I’m here to help in other ways.”

You can decide that getting enough sleep is important, so you are unable to connect with others by phone, chat or social media past 10:00pm. When someone messages at 9:45pm

Your reply can be, ”Glad we get to talk, we will need to end our time by 10.”

You can decide that being sexually active at this time is not going to be best for you.

Your reply can be, “I am not looking to be involved sexually with anyone right now.”

Setting healthy boundaries demonstrates self respect. If your boundaries are not respected, you are not being respected. If you find yourself in a relationship where your boundaries are not being respected even after you have communicated them, it will be necessary to put some distance between you and the other person. You matter and deserve to be respected. Healthy relationships require healthy boundaries. With healthy boundaries, everyone thrives!

- Thrive Community Education