After Abortion Partner Support

If you just discovered your girlfriend or partner is pregnant, you’re probably experiencing many emotions yourself. Men have little control over decisions regarding a pregnancy. This can be difficult to come to terms with.

You may be asking:

• What are my rights?
• How will her decision regarding this pregnancy affect me, and our future together?
• What if my girlfriend and I don’t agree?
• How will my girlfriend be affected by an abortion?
• What can I do if I don’t agree with the decision my girlfriend is making?

You may be thinking:

• Our relationship is unstable.
• I need to finish school.
• I’m not sure I’d be a good parent.
• I don’t have a job.
• She won’t listen to me.
• I wish there was more I could do, but I don’t know what to do.
• I don’t want her to make this decision without me.

If you aren't sure where to start, start with being a good partner in this:

• Talk about it. Talk with each other, and with others you can trust. Hiding the news from people who can genuinely help you only increases your stress. While a pregnant woman must decide for herself how she will handle an unplanned pregnancy, it is our experience of working with clients for years that she rarely wants to make that choice alone. She may be looking to you for support because there aren’t many people she can confide in right now.
• Stay calm. She needs your support now more than ever.
• Get all the facts.   It is important to get all the information about your options, so you can make an informed decision.  You can make a free and confidential appointment with First Place OPTIONS for you and your partner to process through your options so that she can make an informed decision.
• Be honest. Feeling angry, frustrated, or scared? That’s normal. Facing an unexpected pregnancy can be scary and overwhelming for both partners involved. Many clients have shared that when they heard their partner say “It’s up to you,” they often thought that their partner wanted them to have an abortion. It is important to talk openly with each other and to say what you mean. We know that when faced with a stressful situation like an unplanned pregnancy, such open communication can be a challenge. Our counsellors are here to support you. Many couples have found it helpful to have one of our unbiased counsellors ask questions and help facilitate these conversations between couples.

• Don’t walk away. Don’t just look for a quick fix. The more you run, the harder it is – both now and down the road.
• Don’t pressure her to make a decision before she's ready. You two will do best working together as a team. She will need your support right now.
• Don’t play the blame game. This isn’t the time to overreact or get mad about having sex together.
• Don’t rush. There is no rush to make this decision. You don’t want to have significant regrets in the future.  It is important to both allow yourselves the time to talk and process through all of your options. The counsellors at First Place Options can help support you through this.
• Don’t shut down. You can still have a role in this situation. Listen to her. Ask her to listen to you.

• Confirm the pregnancy. First Place OPTIONS offers, free and confidential urine-based pregnancy tests that are laboratory quality. The pregnancy test is accurate to detect a pregnancy two days past a missed period.  Contact us now.
• Work together to explore all the available options and ensure you both have the information needed to make the best decision. First Place OPTIONS can assist you in exploring your options. You can call or email us to book an appointment for you to come in together. Contact us now.
• Share the responsibility with her. Your first instinct might be to say, “Whatever you choose, I’ll support you”. This sounds positive but she might think that means: “The decision is yours. I don’t want to take responsibility.” From our experience, not many women want to make this choice without the support of their partner.
• Ask her for some time to think, but reassure her that you aren’t going to abandon her. Even in the best of circumstances a pregnancy is scary.
• You don’t need to make a rushed decision. None of us make good decisions when we’re not thinking straight. Take some time to process through this, both separately and together.